CLARION COUNTY, PA (NOT) — In an unexpected development that has left local trail enthusiasts choking on their granola bars, Chinese electric railway giant “Thunder Dragon Express” announced plans to convert a beloved section of Rail Trail 66 back into an actual railroad.

The company plans to establish a revolutionary “green transportation corridor” connecting the scenic Leeper Area Landfill to the state-of-the-art Shippenville Plastic Recycling Plant, a distance of approximately 12 miles.

“This is perfect example of circular economy,” said Thunder Dragon Express spokesperson Wei Tu Fast. “Garbage goes one way, recycling comes other way. Very efficient. Very green. Much success.”

Local officials were reportedly blindsided by the announcement, which arrived via a TikTok video featuring dancing animated trains. County Commissioner Braxton White expressed confusion: “I thought railbanking meant the trail was protected. Turns out it just means someone can put rails back whenever they feel like it. Who knew?”

The project, estimated to cost ¥2.3 billion yuan (approximately twelve dollars US), will feature ultra-modern electric trains powered by a combination of solar panels and “positive thinking,” according to company documents.

Trail users have expressed mixed reactions. “I’ve been walking my dog here for twenty years,” said local resident Mary Johnson, “but I suppose watching electric trains haul garbage past my house could be interesting too. At least it’s eco-friendly garbage.”

The company plans to begin construction “as soon as mercury enters retrograde,” with completion expected by “the year of the lucky dragon.” Local wildlife has declined to comment.

Thunder Dragon Express assures residents that the trail will remain “partially accessible” during construction, though users may need to occasionally dodge construction equipment and “learn to share space with progress.”

In related news, several local residents report receiving mysterious fortune cookies containing the message: “He who stands in way of electric train gets very poor social credit score.”

DISCLAIMER: This is totally fake news. Like, really fake. So fake that even fake news calls it fake. If you’re looking for actual journalism, you took a wrong turn at Google.