CLARION, Pa. (NOT) – In an unprecedented move to address late-night disturbances, Clarion Borough Council has approved the installation of a professional wrestling ring at the new Second Avenue Park.
“If people are going to fight at 2 a.m., they might as well do it properly,” explained Borough Council President Karen LaPresto. “We’re just being proactive here.”

The 16×16 foot regulation wrestling ring, complete with turnbuckles and steel steps, will be installed next month as part of the park’s final phase of development. Local officials say the decision came after reviewing security footage showing numerous impromptu wrestling matches breaking out among late-night park visitors.

“We kept seeing these awful amateur moves,” said Police Chief Wilhelm von Peckington.

“Someone actually tried to do a People’s Elbow on the playground mulch. It was embarrassing. This way, at least they’ll have proper equipment.”

The $50,000 installation will include entrance music speakers, fog machines, and a designated “folding chair storage area.” The borough maintains these amenities are essential for authentic wrestling experiences.

Local resident and frequent park user Adam Wilbert expressed enthusiasm for the project. “Finally, a place where I can practice my signature move, the ‘Clarion Crusher,’ without destroying public property.”
The park will implement a strict “No Throwing People Through Tables” policy, though officials admit enforcement might be challenging.

“We’re still working out some liability issues,” admitted Borough Solicitor Edgar Schneider. “But we’ve added extra padding around the ring and a sign that says ‘Don’t Try This At Home,’ so we think we’re covered.”

WWE legend Mick Foley reportedly heard about the installation and offered to christen the ring with a ceremonial sock puppet show, though borough officials are still determining if this would violate their entertainment permit.

The ring will be available for use between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m., with priority given to those who arrive in costume with their own entrance music.

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